21 Days. No Complaints. No Excuses.

image found at gracewalk.wordpress.com

A good blog is like a good book. Sometimes you want to go back and revisit posts that meant something to you. One such post by Tim Ferriss has been rattling around in my head A LOT lately. This post was called Real Mind Control: The 21 Day No-Complaint Experiment. In the post, Tim told us of Will Bowen, a Kansas City minister who decided to try an experiment. He would wear a purple bracelet to remind him not to complain for 21 days. If he did complain, he would switch his bracelet to the other wrist and start over at day 1. This is because scientists say that it takes 21 days to form a habit. If you don’t complain for 21 days straight, you’ve just formed a habit of not complaining!

There is now a great website started by Will Bowen called acomplaintfreeworld.org. There, you can order the purple bracelet, Will Bowen’s book and DVD, and even download a widget for your computer that will count the days for you. If you complain, you have to click ‘Start Over’.

Why would you want to do this?

I don’t know why you would want to do this, but I’ll tell you why I am going to do this, and why it took me this long to realize I should.

Reason #1

I’ve related in earlier posts how I may not be as happy with some aspects of my life as I could be. Sure, I have a wonderful family and my health, but I want more for my family and for myself. I find it too easy, however, to complain, or better yet, make excuses for why things don’t go as planned. That is why the title of this post includes ‘No Excuses’. More on that in a bit…

Reason #2

Complaining gets everyone down. Working in the retail industry, I can’t tell you how many times someone has commented on how they couldn’t do my job if they had to deal with the irate customers. I used to think the same way. What I do is think about what I would like to hear if I was upset. How does that fit in to what I can actually do?

So the no complaining piece is this: of course you identify the problems, but instead of seeing them as problems, make them in to opportunities to grow and improve the situation. Instead of just writing a situation off as something to complain about, isn’t there something you can do to improve or even remedy the situation? And if not, why sweat it? It’s out of your hands! Yelling at the Republican or Democrat on the television screen is just raising your blood pressure. The politician still sleeps at night, and won’t change his/her tune for you!

Why did it take me so long to decide to do this?

The answer is remarkably simple: Complaining is easy. There’s a certain release to cursing something that doesn’t go right. It releases you from the hassle of actually doing something about it. If you can blame something else, you’re not the responsible party, right? WRONG! If you don’t learn from those mistakes or incidents, you’ll just have more and more to complain about later on…

My dad always says that when you point a finger at someone (or something) three fingers are pointing back at you. This is why No Excuses is part of my 21 day experiment. If I’m not happy with something in my life, instead of making excuses (“It’s the economy!” “It’s the weather!” “I’m just following orders!”), I’ll find solutions and a way to take advantage of the opportunities.

I would like to invite you all to join me in this experiment. You don’t have to buy the bracelet, just throw a rubber band on your wrist, or download the widget like I did. The point is to stop complaining. And stop making excuses!

I will, of course, be blogging my progress, and in the name of honest blogging, will blog my failures as well.

If you are joining me in this experiment, please, let me know below. I will also start a discussion on my Facebook fan page, so you can chart your progress there as well!

Good luck!

Sunday Sermon: Life After Death?

For those of you that are just tuning in, or Googled ‘spiritual enlightenment’ and somehow wound up here, let me assure you that Sunday Sermons here at Howefitz Blog are anything but sermons. Here I explore matters of the spirit in a way that, I hope, inspires thought within others. I am not here to tell you what to believe, and any viewpoint is welcome…

I regret that I need to start this post with some sad news. We recently learned that one of my teenage step-daughter’s friends passed away last Saturday. We don’t know the circumstances of his death, only that ‘he was found in the morning.’ Now, just that phrase sends a parent in to a frenzy. Was he in to drugs? Was it suicide?

We launched these questions at our daughter in fear for her before we realized that she had to be hurting from the loss of a friend, one of her best.

After calming down and allowing her to talk to her mother privately, I took time to reflect on death and what happens after we die…

Science tells us that matter and energy can not be created nor destroyed. It can, however, be transformed. My body will become dirt once more that will then nourish the plants. But that energy that once propelled my body and gave me the motivation to do all those things that I’ve wanted to do… where does it go? How is it transformed?

Of course, that’s where religion comes in, to handle those matters of the spirit. Some people believe that essence goes to Heaven or Hell, some believe that Heaven is on a planet within this solar system. Some believe that we come back in another form. One of my favorites are the Buddhists, who believe that once a soul achieves Nirvana, it can choose to come back and guide others to Nirvana. This is what the Dalai Lama is believed to be: the reincarnated spirit of Siddhartha Buddha, here to guide others to Nirvana.

So what leads a soul to so desperately have a need to try to destroy itself? I’ve wrestled with this idea on many an occasion. Being a person that has never experienced that feeling myself, I can’t possibly imagine it. But I know there are people out there that do, and I certainly don’t want to take that lightly.

I came up with this scenario. You can call me a romantic. You can certainly call me naive. This is something I thought could possibly be an answer.

When I was young, I had no doubt in my mind that there was one true soul mate out there for me. I also was pretty sure I would never find that person. Those rare times when I would hear of one part of an older couple dying, and the other following soon after, I would think that was the most romantic thing I’d ever heard. But I knew the odds were against me in finding that person for myself. What if my soul mate was on the other side of the world? If there is life on other planets, maybe my soul mate was in another galaxy!

I got to thinking about what we mean by ‘soul mate’. I feel that many believe that a soul mate is another person that compliments you. Someone that you are able to be open and honest with. Someone that is strong when you are weak, and together you make one complete formidable force. Only together are you unstoppable.

But what if it gets deeper than that?

How is it possible that our world’s population continues to grow if the energy that gives life can not be created?

What if a soul can be divided? What if what we perceive as soul mates are actually two pieces of the same soul that has been divided in to two corporeal vessels?

What if a soul got divided not only in space but in time? What if the soul could sense that it’s other half was missing, nowhere to be found?

That could certainly torment someone. Even though a physical brain may not be able to conceive of the notion, what if the soul is fighting for control, looking for some way to be reunited with that other piece, and since there are still no time machines, and as far as I know, ‘The Lake House‘ is fiction, that soul has to find a way, possibly a brutal way, to begin anew.

I’ve probably freaked a few people out. Rest assured, I’m not advocating any kind of violence, even to one’s self. I understand the dangers of romanticizing suicide, and that’s not my intent. I am just wrestling with ideas.

Of course, there are many more scenarios for twisted souls. What makes someone go in to a frenzy and start killing complete strangers? Why do we insist on going to war over religion and greed? How can one side win when both sides believe that God or their gods are on their side?

Of course, these are the questions that humankind has wrestled with since there was a humankind.

As for Kat’s friend, we don’t know his parents, and they had moved out of state before this happened. If Kat knows the circumstances of his death, she’s not being forthcoming. Frankly, this new age of deadly violence in high schools scares me something fierce. My wife are debating seriously whether our little ones will go to public school or if they’ll be home schooled.

Of course, I fear that putting ideas out there like I detailed above will add to the notion that suicide is romantic. I certainly don’t want to do that, but it seemed to work out for that Shakespeare guy…

Any ideas on death and the senseless taking of life are certainly welcome. I apologize for being pretty darn depressing this morning, but it’s all I can think about. The loss of a young life is a lot to deal with, whether it touches you personally or not. This is just my way of trying to make sense of something that, really, there is no way to make sense of.

Looking To The Future! (or, I have 4 Valentines!)

Image via Wikipedia

This Friday before Valentine’s Day, let me just join PJ Mullen in saying ‘I hate Valentine’s Day!‘ That being said, I find myself this Valentine season thinking about how I went from a nerdy kid who hated Valentine’s Day because I couldn’t get (read muster up the courage to get) a girl, to a husband and father with four Valentines that hates being told there’s one particular day to celebrate your love. Although I generally do not enjoy planning the future further out than tomorrow, I find myself looking to the future for my 4 Valentines…

Tristin

It’s easy to envision a bright new world in the sparkling blue eyes of a nearly six-month old baby boy. Has it really been six months? It seems like I was just blogging his birth from the hospital room!

This coming week, Tristin will eat his first solid food, or as solid as baby food can get. The days of sweet-smelling yellow poo will be over, and soon will arrive the stinky poo. I can’t wait. 😉

Although it’s certainly too early to see the interests that my son will have, there is a gleam of curiosity and possible mischievousness that I can’t wait to watch develop. Barely sitting up, this boy is already reaching and grabbing at anything that comes near him. Snatching the glasses off of my face is a favorite triumph, as well as grabbing at whatever food the person that’s holding him is eating. He’ll be a handful, but if I have survived his sister thus far, I think I’ll be alright.

Which brings me to…

Calli

If anyone can be described as a fireball, Calli can. Even while watching TV, this kid is on the move. We very nearly have to tie her down at night to get her to go to bed. (Not literally, please don’t call social services. I know how things posted on the internet can get…)

I have never met a more compassionate child. If one of us is sick or in pain, she is the first one there to offer condolences and see if there’s something she can do to help.

Nothing is more important to her than her family. In fact, as I’m writing this, she’s singing ‘One Big Happy Family!’ from a Winnie the Pooh DVD that she loves. She often reminds us that we are one big happy family.

Kat

Very rarely does the elusive Teenager allow her picture to be taken, so please excuse the reissue of her Halloween pic!

I find that it’s hard to convey what I feel about the Teenager. She’s a teenager, so she drives me crazy with the constant texting, IMing, Facebooking, and anime watching, often (literally!) at the same time.

But then she’ll turn around and say something that blows me away.

It doesn’t take much for us to push each other’s buttons, and my wife constantly tells me not to egg Kat on. But that’s just the relationship we’ve built, and I think it’s rock-solid.

Tomorrow we’re driving down to Denver to learn about the People to People program. They want to send Kat to Australia this summer. Her dream is to work with animals, so their brochure that claims you can ‘cuddle with a koala’ is just too irresistible to not at least go see what they have to say. I’ve heard these things are pretty expensive, but I can’t let an opportunity like this pass her by. Any ideas for fund raising is certainly welcome!

Which brings me to…

Bobbette

My wife and I celebrated five years of wedded bliss this past November, and ten years of being together. Did I mention time flying earlier in this post?

What can I say? I just re-read my Wedding Anniversary post, ‘My So-Called Romantic Life‘, and naturally, it doesn’t begin to encompass what I am truly feeling. As much as I love my kids, and as much as I center my life around them, Bobbette is the one I have made the conscious choice to be with, and she with me. Years from now, when the kids have grown and flown, we’ll have each other.

There is no one in the Universe I would rather have at my side. Quite literally, you would not be reading this blog if not for her. She provides me with daily inspiration and much needed encouragement. She instills me with the sense that I can accomplish anything. When I feebly make a mess of something, she’s there to pick up the pieces.

She’s strong when I’m weak, smart when I’m stupid, fearless when I’m  a coward.

I like to think that I do the same for her, but I am certain that I am getting the better end of this particular deal.

I have to work on Valentine’s Day, so we’ve agreed that, yes, we’ll contribute to the commercialism of the day, but we’ll do it the day after – at 50% off! 😉 Luckily, Calli, who is oh-so looking forward to it can’t read a calendar!

I’d like to take one final moment to thank all of you for sticking around and sharing this life with me. I suppose I could have said I have five Valentines, you being the fifth. Without readers, I would have given up on this whole blogging thing long ago. Without the community of friends that we have built, I’d think I was wasting my time.

I hope you have enjoyed reading about me and my family as much as I have enjoyed reading about many of you and yours. Have a great Fatherhood Friday, and a wonderful Valentine’s Day!

This post brought to you by Dad-Blogs' FatherHood Friday. Be sure to swing by for all the other great Dads and Moms who love to share their lives online!

Howefitz Blog And Personal New Year Resolutions

image from squidoo.com

OK, so maybe this post is a little late. As you continue to read, you’ll understand why…

Happy 2010!!! You geeks out there that read this blog know that this is ‘The Year We Make Contact‘!!! Start striking your timpani drums now! So, my first resolution this year is to make friends with some Russians and go to Jupiter to look for monoliths…

All geeking out aside, I have been taking a lot of time to reflect on where I am as a husband, father, employee, and of course, Daddy Blogger. Since you are reading my blog, I am going to focus first on what I will be doing here going forward in this brand-spanking new year, and why you should keep reading! 😉

Howefitz Blog New Year Resolutions and Hopes For The Future

• Deliver more quality content, maybe less quantity
  • Last year, I set a goal of blogging every other day. I failed. Of course, the reason for that is that I have a real full time job and a family. Some days sleep seems appropriate, and then it’s time to work or take care of the family. So I’m going easy on myself this year:
  • Generally, it seems I get about an hour in the morning to blog. This has resulted in a few rushed, phoned-in entries. So going forward, I am going to try to seek out better information, and really think through what I’m writing. I know a lot of my regular readers have become like friends, and for that I am eternally grateful. But I would still like to see this base grow, and to do that I need to take the time to research and do my best to provide quality content. Therefore, I may not blog but once, maybe twice, a week. Of course, these will still include funny anecdotes from my wife and children, but there will also be genuinely helpful (I hope) articles that others can find interesting beyond my friends and family.
• What About ‘Kids Play On The Net’?
  • My ‘weekly’ column, ‘Kids Play On The Net‘ over at Dad-Blogs will continue, probably in the same sporadic rhythm as last year, but you have my solemn oath that when I post there, it will continue to be about websites and online resources that I genuinely use on a regular basis and I hope you will find them helpful as well.

Beyond my hopes for creating a more resourceful, thoughtful, useful blog, I have personal goals as well:

• The Ever Popular ‘I’m Going to Lose Weight’
  • Our big family gift for Christmas this year was a Wii, with a Wii Fit. The first body test I took with it called me obese. A little voice said (Out loud!) ‘That’s obese!’ And my Mii character looked down at it’s ballooning form as if I had cursed it to a life of unhealthy plumpness. So, I will definitely start really watching what I eat. I considered going back to Tim Ferriss‘s ‘Slow Carb Diet‘, but I’m easily bored, so I will settle for avoiding ‘white foods’ and extra snacks. But the one day of eating anything I want? I could still get behind that! 😉
  • And of course, I’ll be exercising with my Nintendo. (Welcome to the future. Oh the times, they are a-changin’!)
• Heaven Help Me, I Will Get Promoted
  • This past year I did a lot of complaining here, at work, and at home, about my job. The past several years I’ve felt like I’ve slipped and lost hold of something that I used to be very good at. I’ve heard a lot of complaining from others as well, and my response is always the same: ‘I hear a lot of problems, but not too many solutions’. A quick glance in the mirror made me realize what a hypocrite I was being. Here I was complaining and not solving anything myself! So, in this bright new year, if I find myself wanting to complain, I’m going to redirect that energy into finding and implementing solutions. And then if someone happens to notice what an improved manager I’ve become and thinks I should be doing more…

• Be A Better Father
  • Living in the Rocky Mountains is tough in the winter time. I feel like my kids don’t get a lot of varied experience due to being inside all the time. However, I am making a vow to get out to more story times at the library, visit the children’s museum more, and, of course, teach them the proper way to have a snowball fight (if I can ever get the stuff up here to pack well enough…).
• Be A Better Husband
  • Having kids, it’s easy to neglect the marriage. Your spouse is relegated to an extra pair of arms and hands to get things done, and an extra set of eyes to watch the kids and make sure one isn’t beaming the other in the head with a Linky-Doo.
  • This year, I’m going to make sure I pay attention to adding more romance into my marriage. After all, that’s how this whole family business got started in the first place… 😉

How about yourselves? Any plans for 2010? 2009 was a good year, 2010 will be great!!!

If Tiger Could Do It, Why Not Me?

Tiger Woods: Family Man

The other night, after a very long, very hard day of work, I found myself on the half hour drive home without the radio on. My head was swimming in thoughts of a better life. There has to be a better solution, I found myself thinking. There has to be a better way…

I have fallen victim to looking for ‘get-rich-quick’ schemes before. I don’t think there’s anyone out there that hasn’t entertained the idea of a quick fix to the financial blues. Short of robbing a bank, good natured people buy lottery tickets, go to ‘network marketing’ seminars, and swear if they just blog a little longer, those Google ads will start to pay off…

So I’m driving home from work contemplating all the schemes I’ve dreamed up and rehashing why each one didn’t work out, searching for a deeper meaning, surely those experiences should have taught me something. I can turn those failures into a success…

Then, as suddenly as if a golf ball smacked my windshield, the answer occurred to me. I was trying way too hard. The solution was incredibly simple: Between my wife and I, one of us had to have an affair!

It was elegant in it’s simplicity. I would go home and approach the subject with delicate care. Maybe I would prepare a nice meal before my great proposal. It wouldn’t matter which of us cheated, we just needed a tale of infidelity. We could draw straws, roll dice, or take the best two out of three in a fast and furious match of rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock. The winner (or perhaps the loser?) would have wild probably unprotected sex with a complete stranger(s). The affair would last for a few months before the bomb would be dropped to the other. There would be a huge uproar and one of us would wreck the car, ensuring that the affair would get out in to the public.

That’s when life would get great for me and my family. We would be whisked away into tabloid infamy. Everyone would want to hear and retell our story. After the inevitable fallout and eventual reunion, we would co-author the book of our harrowing tale. The book would be made into a movie directed by Oliver Stone, and years later there would be a documentary by Ken Burns revealing how it all really happened.

My wife and I would renew the love we had for each other and come out stronger, and richer, than ever before! We would never have to work again, and the heart-breakingly honest posts on my blog about the ordeal would become an overnight sensation, and those Google ads would finally pay off…

Before I pulled in to my driveway, I realized the reality of my situation. It wouldn’t happen like that. I am a card carrying member of the Average Guy Club. I’m not famous like Tiger Woods or Brad Pitt or John Edwards. An affair would only result in the loss of my children and monthly alimony. I returned to sane normalcy once again.

Tiger upset because he was caught? Or did he blow a putt?

I’m not a sports guy. I couldn’t tell you the difference between a double bogie and a birdie. But of course I’ve heard of Tiger Woods. I understand that he has been a great role model for children black and white alike. He is a testament to what one can achieve when you put your mind to something and believe in yourself. But what he did?

Sadly, what he did isn’t all that uncommon. People are unfaithful every single day. For most of us, if we emulate Tiger’s bad behavior, it would destroy our homes. For Tiger? That remains to be seen.

Right now, Tiger is focusing his attention on ‘being a better husband, father, and person’, according to his statement on tigerwoods.com. He’s on an ‘indefinite break from professional golf’ in order to do so. A lot of his endorsement deals have gone south. Well, except for Nike, but then, I’m sure in these bad economic times Nike still thinks Americans don’t want to make shoes to earn a living. When you’re slogan is ‘Just do it’, who else do you want representing you than an unfaithful husband? Tiger, as is his style, has refused any big interviews with the media. They’ve resorted to interviewing his caddie for any information on if or when his great return might happen. He wishes to be left alone in order to deal with this matter privately.

On one hand, I hope Tiger is raked over the coals for what he did. I hope he loses everything. On the other hand, I hope he gets a chance to deal with the situation in private with his family, like normal every day people would be able to. Whether it’s you or I that’s cheating, or a high profile athlete, movie star, or politician, the level of excitement should be the same. Unfortunately, it isn’t. When you step in it and you’re famous, there’s bound to be a circus, and you’re in the center ring.

Of course, all my above scheming was completely tongue-in-cheek. I tell my wife that she is the center of my universe so much that I’m sure it’s gotten as stale as the phrase ‘I love you’ itself. There are physicists out there trying to find one great unifying theory, one theory that will explain everything. For me, they’re wasting their time. I have my one unifying answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything, and I married her.

As for my ‘get-rich-quick’ scheming? I’m done with that for now. Although, maybe my wife can get pregnant with octuplets…

This post is part of a much bigger project over at Dad-Blogs called ‘Dad Bloggers Project: Leave Tiger Alone‘. While I’ll do my very best to keep the links below current and updated, your best bet is to return to the scene of the crime at Dad-Blogs for other Dad Bloggers who want to relate their feelings about Tiger’s scandalous affair.

Tiger Woods: Other Dad Bloggers Speak Out:

• Go F*ck Yourself Tiger at The Daddy Files
• Et Tu Tiger?: What men (and dads) can learn from Tiger Woods at Real Men Drive Minivans
• Leave Tiger Alone. But Tiger, Don’t Leave Us Alone at Son Of Mine
• Tiger Woods Y’all by Joeprah
• Tisk Tisk Tiger, Shame on You America at Hockeymandad
• Tiger Tiger, Burning Bright, Driving Your Car Into a Tree at Night by Christopher VanDijk
• A SAHD’s Thoughts On Tiger Woods Transgressions at Steely Dad
• Is The Problem With Tiger Or Is The Problem With Us? at Dear Mr. Man

My So-Called Romantic Life: A Tale of Love At First Sight, Comic Books, and Star Trek

Yesterday was my fifth wedding anniversary. I used the day to pamper my wife, but I also reflected on how my life is today, and how I got here. But first, I need to go back to before I met my beautiful wife…

I’ve never been shy about sharing the fact that I favor the funnybooks. I guess of any vice one could have, reading comics isn’t all that bad. When I was small, my parents would bring home whatever they saw at the grocery store newsstand (Yeah, newsstands still had comics then!) that they thought I would like. These mainly consisted of comic book versions of my favorite cartoons: Looney Tunes, Popeye, Tom and Jerry, Donald Duck, essentially, kids’ stuff…

God bless Google, here is the first 'real' comic I ever owned. Scary, huh?

At 13, I bought my first ‘real’ comic book. It was an issue of Batman featuring Killer Croc, and it began an obsession with comics, Batman in particular, that would take me through the rest of my life…

Fast forward to me at 19 years old. I had graduated high school and started going to a community college. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. I had no real sense of direction. I was interested in too many things. I took classes in psychology, theater, biology, philosophy, and art.

My second semester, I was bored with the relationship I was in, but too weak to end it. I just knew that I wouldn’t be able to find anyone else that would accept a tubby fanboy like me, so I was settling. We didn’t really understand each other, but hey, she stuck around, so maybe she felt something I didn’t, right?

So I walk into my art class for the semester, and I saw the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen. She had a long flowing halo of dark red hair and a smile that would melt the hardest of hearts. Of course, I couldn’t go up and talk to her, it took her boisterous friend (there’s always one of those in these stories, isn’t there?) to introduce us. It was her friend that got this wonderful goddess to sit at a table near mine, to give us a chance to talk. And talk we did. Almost immediately, we began finishing each other’s sentences. I entertained the idea of dumping my girlfriend and running off with this wonderful woman, but again, I was weak.

Fortunately, my girlfriend made the decision for me. She’d been seeing another guy, and liked him more than me. I felt numb, but not necessarily hurt. Was I mad that she made the first move? Probably. I wanted to be the one to do the dumping! (Who doesn’t?)

So, sans girlfriend, I continued to talk to my Angel of the Art Class. There were several times that we would complete a sentence or say the same thing at the same time. Her friend would throw her hands up and say, ‘Oh, just get married already!’

What a dream boat!

Here was the knockout blow: She referred to Robin Williams as sexy. I admire Mr. Williams greatly. He is a very funny comedian and an amazing actor. But sexy? I thought of my own tubby hairy frame and thought, maybe this could work!

After all our discussions in art class, all the times we would laugh and joke in the cafeteria, I still couldn’t muster the courage to ask her on an actual date. Again, enter the boisterous friend. When the gorgeous redhead wasn’t looking, her friend slipped me a phone number and said, ‘Just call her!’

Chicken that I am, I sat on the number all summer. Luckily, fate brought us together the following semester, and in November of that year, we finally went on a date.

I still remember first setting foot in her home. She had her own house, while I still lived with my parents, in typical fanboy fashion.

…And she had a four year old daughter. She was older than me, and all of these things combined is pretty intimidating to a 20 year old who only really had one other real relationship in his life. But as I looked around her home and saw the comic book and pez dispenser collections, I knew I couldn’t leave.

It was more than those interests, obviously. It was the type of mother she was, it was the way that she thought. It was her sense of style. While I tended to plaster the walls with nothing but super heroes, she could somehow seamlessly incorporate prints of classic paintings by Matisse and Van Goghwith the four color heroes we both cherished.

One of our favorite arguments is whether Batman or Superman is the better hero. She’ll argue that Superman could do anything, but he chooses to use his abilities for good. I argue that Batman is self-made. He has no powers, but has honed his body and his mind to be the World’s Greatest Detective. She argues that Clark Kent is someone you’d want to hang around with, while Bruce Wayne is a douche. I argue that Bruce Wayne is the mask, and that Batman is the true identity… etc., etc.

DS9 became my very favorite Trek.

Before Bobbette and I started dating, I was a huge Star Wars fan. I thought that Star Wars was about characters, and Star Trek was more about the technology. She set out to prove me wrong. We started with, of all things, Voyager. A local TV station was running reruns late at night. Luckily, when we started, they were into the later seasons, if we’d started at season one, I don’t know how long I would have lasted. As it was, I immediately fell for Seven of Nine‘s battle to regain her humanity. I loved Tom Paris and his romance with a Klingon and fascination with twentieth century culture…

This became my new fanboy obsession. The library had all seasons of Next Generation and Deep Space Nine, and I ravenously consumed it all. I began writing Star Trek stories and entering the now defunct Strange New Worldsshort story competition. (For a sample of my Trek writing, check out my favorite of my stories; ‘The Stars Aren’t As Far As You Think‘) I never won anything, but I feel that the experience taught me a lot about having a passion for something and putting everything I had into that thing. I read so many Trek books and spent so much time on Memory Alpha, the Star Trek wiki, that I very nearly burnt myself out.

I spent a lot of time here babbling about the geeky stuff, because that’s easy. But the fact is that without my wonderful wife, I would probably still be out wandering the world with no direction. My compass would not point north, and I would not have the amazing children that you all have heard so much about.

Happy Anniversary, Bobbette. Here’s to forever!

You Kids are KILLING Me!

Yeah, it's the kids that stress me out. Riiiight...

Have you ever had one of those conversations that aren’t really about what you’re talking about? The true meaning is conveyed through innuendo and subconscious body language, etc. Sometimes we just blurt out a phrase that’s not the truth at all.

This morning, when the teenager woke me because she missed the bus, ‘You kids are KILLING me!’ was what popped out of my mouth.

We’ve all laugh at the sitcoms and comedies that depict a frazzled parent. As I add kids to my own family, that stuff gets even funnier.

Who could get mad at a 'Steampunk Mad Hatter?'

It was mostly in jest that I said ‘You kids are KILLING me!’ But it also had nothing to do with them…

The past three days at work have been nothing but, for lack of a better term, sheer hell. Murphy’s Law was not only in full effect, but it threw me on the ground, kicked me in the ribs, spit on me, picked me up and knocked me down again.

Nothing seemed to go right. The associates under me didn’t seem to want to follow direction, and what’s worse, they didn’t want to think for themselves and come up with their own solutions. For anything.

After 3 15-17 hour days of this, (without a full lunch break mind you, I’d finally break down and have to get something to eat and sit for 15 minutes) one gets a bit … irritable.

So when I got home last night, and Calli ran to me and said, ‘Daddy home!’, I was very happy to see her, but I also felt like collapsing into bed. So, as these things go, last night was one of those nights where she was awake every ten minutes asking for milk or a toy or just generally not wanting to sleep.

At one point I remember, in a sleep deprived haze, saying, ‘Can’t we just got to sleep?‘

This post brought to you by Dad-Blogs' FatherHood Friday. Be sure to swing by for all the other great Dads and Moms who love to share their lives online!

The thing that kept me going through those tough days of going in early and staying late was the fact that when I was done, I would be off for nine days of vacation. Awesome. The first day I planned on sleeping in until dinner time.

Alas, I have kids. So when Kat shook my foot, wrenching me from blissful slumber, and I saw her hovering over me, I knew it meant one thing: she missed the bus and needed a ride. Go away kid, ya bother me…

The point of this post isn’t to complain, rather, I’d like to point out the dangers of bringing home the attitude you may have gotten from work. Don’t take it out on the kids.

As a general rule, I don’t. I usually unload everything on my wife, (which is fair, right?) and play with the kids to relax. I don’t yell at them because I’m frustrated with something else … most of the time…

So I’m throwing this out into the Universe to remind myself, I’m off work now. I’m on vacation. Time to exhale!

**Don’t forget to enter the Pay it Forward giveaway! Simply click on my post Paying Forward A Random Act of Kindness. Tweet about it and comment and earn entries to win a $20 WalMart gift card!**

OK, I’ll bite. FatherHood Friday: Back to School Edition, and A Lesson No New Parent Should Be Without!

This post is a part of the glorious event that is FatherHood Friday. That’s where Dad and Mom bloggers come together on Friday and discuss what FatherHood is all about. Be sure to click the link on the left for more fabulous contributions. Isn’t this header thing like the top of the first page of an old comic? “Bitten by a radioactive spider, young Peter Parker….”

So I got my new landline telephone and super-fast internet connection, and I decided to once and for all completely stop using my cell phone for internet. I then decided to spend the evening vegging out with Hulu and free video podcasts. Then it hit me: Crap! I should be writing a FatherHood Friday post! All this vegging out has melted my brain. I didn’t think ahead! What will I write about?

Leave it to the guys over at Dad-Blogs to solve the issue for me. They are now trying to theme the FatherHood Friday posts, and the next two weeks we will be discussing ‘Back to School’.

Well, my two youngest are still too young for school, and the teenager is too old to take the big-toothy-grin-clutching-a-lunchbox-with-the-heaviest-backpack-ever-strapped-to-her-back first day of school picture, so I’ll go at this from a different angle: i.e. my return to school. (The School of living with an infant, that is.) Since the theme runs for two weeks, maybe I’ll have a more traditional Back To School post next Friday.

I have essentially been a father for eleven years. Kat was four when I met her, she is now fifteen. I used to joke that I got to be a father and miss all the dirty diapers.

She's gonna be a star!

Fast forward eight years, and the birth of my daughter, Calli. I didn’t get out of diapers after all. Three years later, she’s still in them. (We just moved and had another kid, so we’re waiting for things to normalize. But when the dust settles, that kid’s using the potty if I have to duct tape her there myself!  😉

Wait, did I just mention a third kid? Why, yes I did, which brings us to the meat and potatoes of this post.

So I’ve been changing diapers for three years now. No big deal. Stinky diaper? This looks like a job for Super-Dad. Robin Williams once joked that Super-Dad’s weakness was baby ca-ca. Well, I’m the new and improved version. So bring it!

With Tristin? Whole. New. Experience. (See last week’s post, ‘Boys. Are. Gross.’ … if you dare!)

Calli can't get enough Baby brother!

So life with baby has gone on now for (at the time of this writing) thirteen days. I have a three year old, so the whole baby thing’s still fairly fresh in my mind. No worries, right? I should be an old pro. Not even close. Not only does your brain quickly forget how tiny and helpless these little guys start out as, but in three years a whole heck of a lot can change…

1. You don’t have to swab the gross black umbilical anymore. I remember with Calli it was recommended that we swab her umbilical cord with alcohol in order to ward off bacteria. They now say leave it alone! Turns out the alcohol kills off the good bacteria as well as the bad…
2. Get that kid vitamin D! They didn’t say this when Calli was born, but now they recommend that you give your kid vitamin D drops because breast milk tends to not have enough. You also get vitamin D from the sun, but you wouldn’t want to accidentally give your baby a sunburn, so the drops are much safer.
3. A baby screaming at you at two in the morning is neither cute nor fun. Actually, I’m lying. It would be against Tristin’s nature to not be cute. As for fun, I actually do look forward to baby tantrums because I…
4. Remember the 5 S’s. Coolest thing ever. The pediatrician came in to check on Tristin while we were still in the hospital. He asked us if we knew the 5 S’s. No, we didn’t so he picked up Tristin and went through them:

• Swaddling Make sure your baby is swaddled good and tight, just like his old womb.
• Side/Stomach Hold him so that he’s on his side and stomach. (It’s still best when he sleeps to lay him on his back.)
• Swing them This one you probably have to see in action. Obviously, this doesn’t include shaking the baby (that’s bad), but it does include  a slight swinging/jiggling of the head. This simulates the motion in the womb as Mommy walks around or goes upstairs.
• Shushing This isn’t a quiet shush, this is a loud shush. You want to shush them as loud as they are crying. The baby has lived next to his mother’s aorta for nine months, so the sound of blood rushing by is a lot like this loud shush. You can also use white noise such as a TV or radio tuned to static, a hair dryer, or vacuum cleaner.
• Sucking Let the kid suck on something. A pacifier, your finger, etc., can calm them very quickly.

Before my doctor even got to the last S, Tristin was quiet and looking around like, Wow! This guy really gets me! The doctor laid Tristin down in his little clear bassinet, and said, ‘Yeah, they should have a video of that somewhere…’

As soon as the doctor left, I called a nurse and asked for that video!

The video is called ‘The Happiest Baby on the Block’, and it was created by Harvey Karp, MD. You can see some clips of Dr. Karp in action at thehappiestbaby.com.

Dr. Karp claims that he’s found the cure for colic, and it seems like this is true. It is truly magical to watch the babies in the video, and then your own baby, turn from a screaming little monster back into your sweet angel within minutes.

This time around, Daddy is schooling the infant! 😉

So I guess the bottom line is, no matter how many kids you have, things change. As much as you think you know, there’s always something else you can learn. Keep an open mind, and enjoy your new baby!

Boys. Are. Gross.

This afternoon I was holding my son in front of me. We had just gotten back from the doctor where I was asked if my perfect baby boy’s poop was yellow. ‘No, it’s still kinda green.’ I answered, being the resident expert on the contents of Tristin’s diaper.

‘Kinda… green…’ the doctor repeated, scribbling the selected hue of my baby’s feces into his chart…

So I’m holding my fully clothed, five day old son in front of me, his big three year old sister oohing and awing over him, when we hear the biggest phooot I’ve ever heard come out of a baby.

BBRRRRAAAAAAPPPPPHHHH!!!

I felt a puff of air on my arm. ‘HOLEE -‘ I said, laughing histerically. ‘What was that, buddy?’ Tristin looked at me like, what?.

I looked down, and it looked like someone had mistaken me for a Ball Park Frank and sprinkled mustard on me.

I turned to my wife and said, ‘Call the doctor, now it’s yellow!’

Earlier, at the doctor’s office, he waited to pee until just after I took his diaper off to check it before getting him weighed.

Before we even left the hospital, he arched it all over his little clear bassinet.

I have more bodily function stories from his five days of life than I do from Calli’s three years.

I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes.

I’m sure I wasn’t this way. 😉

I guess my wife has been right all along.

Boys. Are. Gross!

But, come on. Tell me this doesn't make it all worth it! 😉

Handling More Stress… Plus Increasing Blog Efficiency…

It’s no secret that I’ve been stressed lately. I’ve blogged about it, tweeted about it and ranted about it to friends, family, and anyone who happens to be standing close to me at any given time. It’s funny, since for a while I’ve tried to project a fairly care-free, nothing bothers me attitude. But lately, none of the pieces seem to fit.

I’ve already blogged about how my kids help out with all the stress, but there’s something else that helps me when I’m stressed that I hadn’t thought of in a while. Something that you could say began in my teenage years. Something that I can only do when I am alone.

When I was a teenager, I went on a couple of backpacking trips. I actually live near the mountains that we would climb. At any rate, I remember the first trip like it was yesterday. I remember we climbed the mountain during the new moon. The lack of moonlight and city lights allowed the stars to show me their true brilliance. My midwest mind could hardly conceive of that many stars.

Surrounded by mountains, the sky lit up in pinpricks above me, I began to feel terribly insignificant. With all of that wonder, what good was I to the world? What did my pinprick of a life in the great spacetime continuum actually mean? I wrestled with this for several days.

The trip was with a church group, so we had daily devotionals in the morning. When it came time for my turn, I was still thinking about the mountains and stars and began to realize that I am part of all of that! I may not be able to move mountains or create stars, but I am part of that creation, and I owe it to myself and everyone to be the best person I can possibly be. My devotional consisted of explaining this to the group, and letting them know that they are equally important. When you feel down and insignificant, do yourself a favor and stop to look around you. Look at all the stars, planets, animals, fish, whatever you enjoy and think about what the world/universe would be without them.

Then think what it would be like without you.

Fast forward to today. Under religion, my  facebook profile says ‘Raised Christian, forming my own opinions’. I no longer label myself ‘Christian’ so much anymore because there is so much out there. I can’t discount the teachings of Buddha and Mohammed any more than I can those of Jesus Christ.

And then there’s Science…

I always enjoyed science in school, but I didn’t think a whole lot about it outside of school. It was interesting, but not necessarily fun. Sometime after school, I discovered Quatum Physics and Cosmology, and that all changed.

Thinking about the very base elements of Creation and Life, at least to me, is a BLAST! The origin of the universe is a great puzzle, and I love to see what the ‘great minds’ think about it.

So I was wandering through the library yesterday and saw a book called ‘Endless Universe: Beyond the Big Bang‘ by Paul J. Steinhardt and Neil Turok. Something attracted me to it, and I’m so glad I picked it up.

Having the understanding wife and family that I have, I was allowed to lock myself in the bathroom, draw myself a bath of hot water and epsom salt, soak my weary bones, and read.

As I began reading the theories about a cyclic universe, my head exploded with ideas. Things I could write stories about, things I could change in my own life. There is something about these great, some would say truly unanswerable questions, that fires up my imagination.

And I thought of those backpacking trips. Of my revelation that I am part of this great creation. Whether you believe in a God or the Big Bang, you are a part of this. What will you do with that power?

As for me, I believe my responsibilities lie with me and my family. Being the best person I can be, helping others and supporting my family, is the awesome responsibity that has been thrusted upon me.

I’ll try to be worthy of my post.

Some other recommended reading:

‘A Brief History of Time‘ by Stephen Hawking

‘The Elegant Universe‘ by Brian Greene

‘Time Travel in Einstein’s Universe: The Physical Possibilities of Travel Through Time‘ by J. Richard Gott

Incidentally, you may have noticed a new feature of the blog: next to most of the links, you’ll see a little book icon. When you click on that link, a window opens within the blog that gives you an article from Wikipedia, a link to amazon.com, etc. This is all thanks to a plugin I recently installed called Apture. If you’re looking for an easier way to add links to your blog, I would highly recommend it!